Wednesday, October 19, 2011

7 Stages of Anthro Shopper Mind Control Disorder

The Ugly Duckling Effect: 
Anthropologie Mind Control In Its Most Insidious Form

I purchased these necklaces at separate times, months apart, but they have something in common -- when I first received them, I HATED them, my husband REALLY hated them and even my cat looked at them with clear disdain. I thought they were cheap looking and of very poor quality, and they weren't even worth the sale price, and . . . (fill in the blanks with further ranting).

Saga Necklace
Providence Necklace
Well, I'm laughing now, because even though I still think they are cheap looking and not even worth the sale price, and my cat thinks they would make a better cat toy than a necklace, I've been brainwashed I wear them all the time and have gotten more compliments on these necklaces than any other necklace I've worn.
"Ack! What ARE you wearing?"
(Even my cat hates it.)
So the moral here is, before taking an item back in a huff, follow the 7 Stages of Post Online Shopping Disorientation Disorder. (See also Anthro Shopper Mind Control Disorder):

Drapey Bubbled Tee,
Saga Necklace
AT Outlet pants
Providence Necklace,
Target top,
AG Stevies
  1. Rejection. Give it some time. (Leave it in the package at the top of your closet and forget about it.)
  2. Rediscovery. (Oops. I thought I already returned that.)
  3. Dependency. Try it on again. (You have no control over this action.) Stage 3 is one of the longest phases of this disorder. Your feelings towards the ITEM will vacillate between NO, yes, no, maybe, NO, yes, m-a-y-b-e as you try it on, and put it back in the package in a cyclical manner that is OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. (You may experience feelings of helplessness and guilt during this stage.)
  4. Justification/Rationalization: Remember it when you put together an outfit that needs "something more" to lift it out of boringnessness. (Examples: You NEED this. So MANY things will go with it. You bought it ON SALE.)
  5. Critical Mass. Put it on and go, "Wow Hmm, This IS kind of nice." Think about it some more. (It's Anthropologie after all, ergo it HAS to be  pretty and of the highest quality! (PUT IT ON, keep it . . . .)
  6. Point of No Return. (Get it? No return. har, har) Show it to your significant other/cat/dog all styled up. (The first few times he will still hate it, but then it will gradually grow on him and he will hate it less.)
  7. This leads to the final stage -- Acceptance, and the slow dawning realization that your Ugly Duckling item has INDEED become a Swan! In fact, it was a SWAN all ALONG! (Or your standards have lowered, and you, AND your friends/family have no taste.)
Note: If you never make it past stage 2, or are easily able to overcome initial stage 3 tendencies, it is time to send it back -- it is truly ugly and/or doesn't fit.

So, imaginary readers, has this ever happened to you? Have you ever tossed an online purchase to one side, while saying to yourself, "That's Going Back!" only to find that you end up loving it after all?

Attention to Detail Dress, Looping Lanes Belt


  1. Just so you know that people are reading you:)...and as I currently have several items in the care of UPS that are making their way to me, I will have to see whether I go through the 7 Stages of Acceptance/ Rejection.
    Good luck with your recovery!

  2. Thanks. Enjoy your anticipation. :D I should have added that in the 7 stages or perhaps I need to write a whole new post on Internet delivery anticipation and obsessive/compulsive UPS delivery status checking.